Becoming

For the first time, I'm depending on my relationship with God to get me where I'm going.  I don't believe I have what it takes to build a close relationship with God that would allow me to hear His voice every step of the way, so I doubt it when I hear His voice.  I have no real confidence in the choices I make, or in the prayers I pray.  I have no confidence in my ability to be an entrepreneur, a good mother, a good wife, or a good student.  I don't have real faith that I will accomplish my dreams or goals.  I fight to see myself living a bigger life because I'm fighting against my unbelief.  I don't see myself as an A student, as a lender, or even someone to look up to.  But everything that I don't believe I am, I feel it inside of me.  It’s screaming to bust out but I don't know how to open the unlocked door and let that version, the true version of me, out.  When I close my eyes, I am sitting in my reality looking at, hearing, and feeling my potential.  Becoming.  There is so much Word (the word of God) bubbling up on the inside of me that I feel like I'm going to burst, but I don't know how to release it.  So when I see an open door I try to make sure I let some of this Word out by sharing it, but God just pours more back into me.  As I sit in this library on October 9, 2023, and pour out my heart and release my tears, I hear God saying “Becoming”.  This is a funeral for my unbelief and doubt,  this is a funeral for who I used to be.  GOOD MORNING!!  For God has made ALL things new.

   You cannot move forward without a confrontation.  Whether it's with yourself, a situation, or God. According to Oxford Languages, confrontation means, a hostile or argumentative meeting or situation between opposing parties.  Some may say that we are not an opposing party to God but in reality we are. The person we are today is stopping us from fulfilling everything that God has created us to fulfill.  Jacob would have never become Israel if the man he was that day had not wrestled with God (Genesis 32:24-30).  Jacob means, he takes by the heel, or he cheats.  Israel means, He strives with God or God strives.  We cannot remain the same, we must go from glory to glory (2 Corinthians 3:18).  Where we start is not where we finish.  It is so important that we continue in God and be obedient because our obedience is not just about us, it is about generations.  The promise God made to Jacob (Israel) is the same promise God made to his father Isaac, and to his grandfather Abraham (Genesis 26:3-5, 35:10-12).  The fight to be better and fulfil our purpose is not about us, even though it feels personal.  The fight is hard because of the weight of the responsibility.  Jesus did not carry His cross for Himself, He carried it for Adam and Eve, you and me, and every person that would ever be born.  He came to bare our sins for us so that we could be free (1 Peter 2:24, John 16:33, Luke 4:18-19).